Does your dog always make a beeline for one particular person in the family? Perhaps they follow your partner from room to room, save their biggest greeting for one member of the household or seem to know exactly who to approach when it’s time for a walk.
It can be tempting to assume dogs simply choose a favourite person, but Dogs Trust behaviourist Lissy Chughtai says the reality is much more interesting.
“Dogs build different relationships with different people, based on familiarity, past experiences, how safe they feel and the quality of that relationship," she explains.
It’s not really about favourites
A dog may associate one person with walks, another with food and somebody else with playing. Those associations can affect how enthusiastically they respond to each person. If the family member who usually walks the dog picks up the lead, for example, the dog may become excited because they know exactly what's about to happen.
“We can put a very human interpretation on it and think, ‘That’s Debbie’s dog’ or ‘I’m not the favourite,’” says Lissy. “But dogs don’t necessarily see their relationships in that way.”
How a dog feels at a particular moment matters too. A nervous dog may seek out the calmest person in the household when they need reassurance, while enjoying somebody else’s energy during play.
Why some dogs seem to choose us instantly
Anyone who has visited a rescue centre may recognise the feeling of meeting a dog and believing there was an instant connection. But Lissy says what the dog is responding to may be less mysterious.
“In a kennel environment, which can be noisy and unfamiliar, somebody who approaches calmly can offer a sense of safety and security.”
Body language is just as important. Rather than walking straight towards an unfamiliar dog, leaning over them or reaching for their head, approach from the side and give them space. Sitting quietly nearby allows the dog to decide whether they want to approach you.
"That sense of choice can be especially important for nervous dogs." Adds Lissy.
Dogs remember people, but differently to us
Dogs can recognise people they have a strong relationship with, even after a long absence but it's scent that's especially important.
A familiar smell associated with years of positive experiences can trigger a powerful response when somebody returns. And for dogs, scent is an extraordinary source of information. Behaviourists sometimes jokingly call urine marking “pee mail”: dogs stop, investigate and decide which pieces of information are worth lingering over. Lissy describes it as a canine form of “doomscrolling”.
But while dogs can miss familiar people, she cautions against imagining they experience absence exactly as we do.
"Dogs are much more focused on what's happening around them in the moment," Lissy explains. "Ultimately, the strongest relationships are built not by trying to become your dog’s “favourite”, but by understanding what makes them feel safe, secure and happy."
How to strengthen your bond with your dog
Find out what your dog genuinely enjoys, whether that's sniffing, food, play, affection or exploring somewhere new together.
Spend quiet time with them too. Sitting together while you read or watch television can help build familiarity and positive associations. Learning something new together, such as a simple trick, basic training or scent work can also bring about a bond.
Most importantly, think less about whether you are the favourite and more about the relationship you are creating.
"Ask yourself: what can I do to help this dog feel safe, understood and able to enjoy spending time with me?" Lissy suggests.
